Why did I get married?
Why did I get married? It’s a very common question these days. Men who are unsure of the relationship when they are”part of a couple, but not committed to marriage” are destined for an unstable courtship and marriage.
From marriage counseling to marital disputes, you’re likely to be told how marriage is easy, difficult and, of course, the statistics say how 50% of marriages end in divorce.
Getting the truth out of lies can be difficult, but don’t give up. Many times you can end up not being happy. Getting married is a beautiful union worth your time, effort and heart.
Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official and permanent. It is the union of two people in a bond that supposedly lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly interrupted by divorce.
Very romantic courtships do not guarantee a happy life forever but are associated with a longer path to divorce.
Being married is easy.
One of the most common marriage lies revolves around the fairy tale theory.
When we were children, we were taught that once the wedding arrived they would both live”happily ever after”. The end! But wait, how can it be the end when your wedding is just the beginning of your marriage?
When you get married, you are essentially merging two lives, two different backgrounds, and two separate personalities into one union. Living with another person and committing to them full time is not always easy.
Being married is hard.
In the face of this, marriage is not always difficult either.
When you choose your partner carefully, practice honesty and forgiveness, and learn to communicate with each other, your marriage will remain healthy.
These may sound like hard traits to apply in your life, but when you love someone and are really committed to each other, there is a driving force that pushes you to find your strength and make it work.
Many couples are quick to tell you how difficult, discouraging and labour intensive marriage is.
It’s stressful. Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. But, it’s not like that 100% of the time. There are many marriages that are hardly”work” at all. Instead, they practice commitment, show compassion, and enjoy each other’s company.
How do you know you’re marrying the right person?
With a divorce rate close to 50 percent, it is worth reflecting and carefully weighing the pros and cons of marrying your partner.
These are questions that one should evaluate before marriage before making such an important decision:
Who will do the laundry?
Are you assuming your partner will do certain chores? Have you stated these expectations?
How obsessed are we with our jobs?
Your workload may be manageable for a single person without children, but how will it work when you are part of a couple with children? Knowing your partner’s preferred balance between work and home life is critical to predicting your life together.
You know about my triggers and traumas?
The quality of the relationship with adults is not an isolated experience; it is linked to the personality and stories of individuals, including their previous traumas.
Past abuse, when triggered, can cause emotional flooding and damage the quality of the relationship.
Do you need financial security to feel comfortable?
What kind of money do you need hidden to feel safe?
Can any of us be the breadwinner?
Men are the breadwinners. In addition, research on the dangerous game of income comparison shows that men and women can suffer depression when their disposition is different from the strong gender norm of men who earn more than women.
What do you expect will change when we’re married?
Often, what people say they want is what they really want. If they say they don’t want to leave town, they probably mean it.
If they say they don’t want to have children, it’s not likely to change after you get married either. Thinking that getting married will change attitudes, desires or habits is a risky bet.
Things will be different when you’re married.
Another of the most common marriage lies is that if you’re not happy now, you’ll be happy when you’re married. This is terrible (and false) marriage advice.
If you expect to change your spouse by walking down the aisle together, be prepared to be disappointed. The truth is that some problems can become even more noticeable after your wedding.
Like having a baby in an attempt to fix a broken relationship, you can’t force a relationship to work (or your partner to change) by exchanging vows. A marriage can only work when two people are truly committed to the union and believe in their marriage vows.
What can cause a divorce?
- Having less education (vs. having a college degree).
- Marrying at an early age (e.g., under the age of 22).
- Parents who divorced or never married.
- Have a personality that is more reactive to stress and emotion.
- A previous marriage that ended.
- Before getting married, having sex or living with someone other than your partner.
- Have a very low income or live in poverty.
- An infidelity.
Characteristics of higher divorce rates:
- Having a child together before marriage
- Living together before you were married or at least engaged
- Poor communication and conflict management
- Being of different religions or races
Divorce is easy and I don’t know why I got married?
Some poor marriage advice suggests that if your marriage doesn’t work out, you can always get divorced. It’s as simple as that! Or is that it?
Divorce is not an easy process. It is emotionally stressful and can cause mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. It’s hard on the kids. Going through a divorce is also a financial effort.
So how can we ensure that our relationships thrive? Today, I’m going to share four science-based tips on how to keep your relationship alive.
Try new things together.
Don’t keep wondering why I got married. The key to trying out new activities with your partner is that the activities should be something new and exciting. Novelty helps you and your partner create new memories and feel like a team as you try something new.
Also try yoga or meditation together, some activity that will engage you both.
I think we would all agree that it is important to do good things for your partner from time to time. But it’s also important to notice and recognize when your partner does good things for you.
A little”thank you” can go a long way. When people are grateful to their partners, both partners end up feeling more connected to each other and more satisfied with the relationship.
Celebrate the triumphs
Supporting your partner in difficult times is vital, but it’s so important to provide support when things are going well.
Couples who celebrate success are more satisfied with their relationships, experience less conflict, have more fun, and are happier overall.
Don’t stay in a fight too long.
Staying angry and stressed over a long period of time is not good for your body, mind, or relationship.
One study even found that getting involved regularly in small disputes can triple your risk of dying from stress-related illnesses!
Take a minute and change the conversation, even to ask about something small like dinner or the weather.
Something to remind you and your partner that you might be arguing about something now, but you both still love each other.
If after a lot of hesitation and you are still wondering why I got married, it is best to see a marriage therapist.
10 marriage tips that can help you and your spouse enjoy marital bliss.
- Don’t be a martyr. Learn to communicate your needs. For example,”I’m about to faint, could you get the kids to sleep tonight?”
- If you complain all the time, your spouse will stop paying attention to you and then try to avoid you.
- Encourage your partner with sincere compliments; never, ever criticize him, just use positive words.
- Be cheerful and have a good sense of humor. Learn to laugh together and enjoy time together as a couple.
- Decide how to manage household accounts. Be practical and willing to discuss finances openly and freely without hiding anything. Make a commitment to pay all your debts and learn to live on your income.
- Don’t hold a grudge. Be the first to say you’re sorry, even when it’s hard to swallow your pride. Make an effort to smooth the situation over. Put your marriage and your spouse’s feelings first.
- Make a love letter to your partner once in a while, for no particular reason.
- Love your spouse completely. Maybe your wife has gray hair and some wrinkles, or your husband is bald and a little overweight. Learn to value your partner for who he or she is and stay true to your marriage commitment.
- Show your children that your marriage comes before them: When your children notice your devotion and respect for each other, your children’s sense of security will increase.
- Go out together alone once a week.
A great book I recommend is this.
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